He goes before me...

I have recently moved house - away from the comfortable place Oxford had become -  to Warwick, where I knew no-one. I moved here for a job but I started looking outside of Oxford as I felt my time there was supposed to come to an end so God could lead me to something new.

For someone who has previously suffered from depression, this should have been a scary prospect but I felt a sense of peace as the plans worked out around me. Despite leaving some of my best friends to live in a house on my own, in an area I did not know, I knew that God had gone before and prepared the way for me.

I could never have known how well prepared it was! (Although maybe I just could have, I know the character of God and HE is faithful.)

On my first day in Warwick I found not only a church but a family who have fed me, texted me and looked out for me ever since. I found a perfect house with good private landlords. I found a job in the specialist area I wanted to work.

Without TV or internet (apart from on my phone) for the past few weeks, I've been listening to a lot of music. A good friend recommended the Hillsongs track "Oceans". I love the track, particularly the bridge, which I feel I can relate to now more than ever.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,
 And I walk upon the waters,
 Wherever you would call me.
 Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
 And I'll walk upon the water,
 In the presence of my Saviour"

If I didn't come to Warwick with that trust, God has reminded me once again that He is faithful and trust-worthy and I can rely on Him for all things.

For He goes before me.

J xx

Singleness

Singleness isn't talked about much in the Church. We talk about marriage a lot, we talk about relationships a lot, but we don't really mention the other side. Singleness is frowned upon by the world, and the Church doesn't really have much to say in response. Yet 30% of people living in our country are single.

The Bible has a few things to say but sometimes they can be confusing. God ordained marriage in Genesis when He made Adam and said "It is not good for man to be alone" Genesis 2 v 18. In fact, much like the world today, the Old Testament has very little positive to say on singleness. Jesus affirms marriage but focuses on the spiritual family that will last for eternity. Paul affirms in 1 Corinthians 7 what Jesus says in Matthew 19 that marriage isn't for everyone, and that in fact there are benefits to singleness in gospel work. How do we reconcile all this?

Singleness comes in many forms for many reasons. Some people choose singleness, some are single having been married and either divorced or widowed, others are single for a time until they meet the person they will marry. And every single person is different. This is just my take on it from where I'm standing right now.

I find I have cycles in my singleness. Sometimes I am perfectly content being single: I realise it has its benefits and I value my good friendships to the point that I don't really feel I'm missing out. Other times I long for a partner, someone to love me and that I can serve Christ with.

If anyone wants to hear about this in more depth Vaughan Roberts, rector of St Ebbes downtown (the mother Church of the plant I attend) has a fabulous talk on this. Some of the things I write here are drawn from it, others are my personal experience. You can find his talk here. It's about 55 minutes long and well worth a listen.

One of the big lessons I've learnt from being a single Christian woman is about my identity. So often I've found myself longing for a relationship that will make me complete, someone who will adore me for who I am. When I think like this I need to take a step back.

My identity lies in Jesus.

Jesus makes me complete and loved me enough to die for me.

All the things I seek in marriage, I find first in Him: love; wholeness; relationship; family. I'm not defined by my earthly relationship status, I'm defined by my heavenly status. In fact I feel for me that one of the purposes of singleness at this time is to remember my first love. To remember the sacrifice He made on the cross to bring me back in to relationship with Him. No guy can ever match that.


This picture came up on my facebook news feed the other day (unfortunately I don't know where it came from) and it made me stop and think. I want to be the girl that is so close to God's heart that in order to be the perfect match a guy has to be utterly head over heels in love with Jesus to be the right man for me.

 

It's a challenge and I'm not there yet!

However, when I'm struggling with singleness the most important thing I remember is that I'm not alone. Jesus knows and is with me. I have a Church family who provide relationship in abundance, and I am complete and secure in the love of Christ.

I pray that one day I will meet someone who I will spend my life with. Someone who will partner me in life and in the gospel. Until that day I will rest secure in my first love, a love that will last for eternity and is centred around the greatest sacrifice.

J xx

What am I doing here?

It's tempting to start this post "hello world" but I'll refrain.
It's a good question, what am I doing here?
I've had blogs in the past but never one like this.

Here I want to share some of the things I've been learning in my faith and the things that help me along the way.
Here I want to be able to mull over things, ask questions, work out some answers.
Here I want to, each day, know more about my Creator, His plans for us as a race and me as an individual.
Here I want to meet and engage others with similar longings.
Here I want to, day by day, learn to love Him more.