Singleness isn't talked about much in the Church. We talk about marriage a lot, we talk about relationships a lot, but we don't really mention the other side. Singleness is frowned upon by the world, and the Church doesn't really have much to say in response. Yet 30% of people living in our country are single.
The Bible has a few things to say but sometimes they can be confusing. God ordained marriage in Genesis when He made Adam and said "It is not good for man to be alone" Genesis 2 v 18. In fact, much like the world today, the Old Testament has very little positive to say on singleness. Jesus affirms marriage but focuses on the spiritual family that will last for eternity. Paul affirms in 1 Corinthians 7 what Jesus says in Matthew 19 that marriage isn't for everyone, and that in fact there are benefits to singleness in gospel work. How do we reconcile all this?
Singleness comes in many forms for many reasons. Some people choose singleness, some are single having been married and either divorced or widowed, others are single for a time until they meet the person they will marry. And every single person is different. This is just my take on it from where I'm standing right now.
I find I have cycles in my singleness. Sometimes I am perfectly content being single: I realise it has its benefits and I value my good friendships to the point that I don't really feel I'm missing out. Other times I long for a partner, someone to love me and that I can serve Christ with.
If anyone wants to hear about this in more depth Vaughan Roberts, rector of St Ebbes downtown (the mother Church of the plant I attend) has a fabulous talk on this. Some of the things I write here are drawn from it, others are my personal experience. You can find his talk here. It's about 55 minutes long and well worth a listen.
One of the big lessons I've learnt from being a single Christian woman is about my identity. So often I've found myself longing for a relationship that will make me complete, someone who will adore me for who I am. When I think like this I need to take a step back.
My identity lies in Jesus.
Jesus makes me complete and loved me enough to die for me.
All the things I seek in marriage, I find first in Him: love; wholeness; relationship; family. I'm not defined by my earthly relationship status, I'm defined by my heavenly status. In fact I feel for me that one of the purposes of singleness at this time is to remember my first love. To remember the sacrifice He made on the cross to bring me back in to relationship with Him. No guy can ever match that.
This picture came up on my facebook news feed the other day (unfortunately I don't know where it came from) and it made me stop and think. I want to be the girl that is so close to God's heart that in order to be the perfect match a guy has to be utterly head over heels in love with Jesus to be the right man for me.
However, when I'm struggling with singleness the most important thing I remember is that I'm not alone. Jesus knows and is with me. I have a Church family who provide relationship in abundance, and I am complete and secure in the love of Christ.
I pray that one day I will meet someone who I will spend my life with. Someone who will partner me in life and in the gospel. Until that day I will rest secure in my first love, a love that will last for eternity and is centred around the greatest sacrifice.
J xx
